This Week in Nelson, volume 4, number 11, 12, 13 & 14

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! Late again. Sorry. There was a lot going on. But, I’ll try to make this one extra-sized to make up for it. Let’s do it!

Birthday shout-out to Mick and my uncle Steve! Happy birthday! If I missed you over the last few weeks, sorry, and happy birthday!

Books read this week:
-Still reading Chronic City by, Jonathan Lethem (still haven’t really started)
-Still reading I Drink For a Reason by, David Cross (almost done!)
-Finished rereading 100 Bullets by, Brian Azzarello

100 Bullets is good. It’s a fun story with a lot of cool parts and characters, and it holds together well reading it all at once. However, I do feel a little like the end gets slightly rushed, and maybe even the slightest bit muddled. The ending is still solid, it just feels like it doesn’t quite reach the crescendo that it ought to have. I don’t know. I’d still recommend it, because it’s still a great read, but I don’t think it’s one of the greats.

Random out-of-context quotes of the week:
--“Okay, everybody! It’s time to say goodbye to our magic ball friends!”
--“Hey.”
“What?”
“Nothing. I was being the demon’s testicle. Hey girl.”
--“Ewwwwwww! It’s my dad! And he’s throwing free throws!”
--“You know, if you were CBS, I might just rape you.”
--“How does that feel?”
“Not good. And, who will sire your children now?”
“I’ll just have to do it myself.”
“But you can’t produce semen.”
“You can’t produce semen! Cause I blew your dick off! With a grenade! Don’t try to turn these tables! (Makes record scratching sounds) I’m Nelson. I’m a shitty DJ. Goddamn it, Louisville!”
--“My motto is: As I live and learn, dig and be dug, in return.”
--“She’s all like, ‘He’s just eating pancakes. He’s just eating pancakes.’ She’s just, like, you know, uh, a whore. That’s whore talk, Jerry.”
--“When you’re tied to a bungee cord, Larry, timing is everything.”
--“Just remember, if your not riding the edge of a cliff, your not living as life begins @ 120 mph, right?” (sic)
--“I’m neck deep in love and my eyes are popping out!”
--“Why go to school? Why? When I be droppin’ it down low like I can, bitch. Right here.”
--“Uh oh! Someone fudged the bucket bed! And the only way you can help is to bring me the Vaseline. Now! Now! Achtung!”
--“You know what love is Christina? A Philly cheesesteak sandwich. Can we get one?”
“Not on your life, John Michael! You’ll eat tempe and you’ll like it!”

My Emails to Bill O’Reilly this week:
-“Dear Mr. O’Reilly,
You know, with everyone arguing about health care, there’s a question that keeps gnawing at me:
If a stripper falls off a pole while she’s working, does she deserve worker’s comp?
I mean, there’s a lot of factors, right? Is the pole made of solid material and properly installed? Is it sufficiently lubricated but not overly slippery? Has the stripper had too much cocaine? Or not enough? Was their audience interference? Is there a crocodile pit beneath the pole? What specific breed of crocodile? Is there a good buffet at the strip club?
So many questions!
HELP!
Sincerely,
Roboman
25 March 2010"

Interesting news articles of the week:
-Eh. Nothing particularly interesting. Sorry.

This Week in Answers to Your This Week in Questions This Week!
-I got no questions. At least not that I could remember or find.

Nelson recommends:
-Not getting behind on TWiN. Cause it becomes more daunting to catch up, which just makes it later and later. Everyone else out there writing TWiNs, heed me!
-www.jandrewedits.com. It’s a bunch of crazy re-edited Star Trek: The Next Generation scenes that Emily and Gaus sent me the link to. I haven’t watched all of it yet, but it’s funny stuff, especially if you like the Star Trek.

Yes, yes. I dropped a few of the standard things from the TWiN lineup. It just seemed easier to me to have a few less required spaces to fill. I don’t think overall content will suffer, there’ll just be more of a jumble toward the back end of things. Which is what she said. So, what’s been up the last several weeks?

–> The weather! Aside from that freak spring break snowstorm, the weather has been fucking gorgeous. 50's-low 80's. Perfect, perfect weather. The cats have been hanging out on our balcony, loving the fresh air. Good stuff!
–> St. Patrick’s Day. Good times! Went downtown and got drunk, then we had a bunch of people over for a feast that Saira prepared. There was Guinness stew, mustard mashed potatoes, colcannon, baked mac and cheese, soda bread, mock mincemeat pie, caramel cranberry almond tart, and apple shortbread pie. So good!
–> Fantasy baseball started. Had my draft about a week and a half ago, which I was woefully unprepared for, but which seemed to go all right. And Saira made a fantastic chicken pot pie with sweet potato crust and a blueberry pie which I brought with me, both of which were phenomenal and devoured with reckless abandon.
–> The worst spring break ever! March 20 will forever be a dark day for us. In the morning Saira’s sweet little cockatiel Clytemnestra died from a rare neuromuscular disorder and in the afternoon KU lost in the second round of the NCAA tournament with one of the best teams I’ve ever seen them have. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Clytemnestra was only a couple years old (cockatiels live into their 20's, generally), and she was so friendly and playful, and adorably clumsy. She always ran right to the door of her cage when you came in the room wanting to hang out, and she was always liked meeting new people. We’re going to miss her forever. And then, on that Monday morning, Saira’s childhood dog, Lenny had to be put down. He’d been having problems earlier in the week, but it had looked like he’d make a recovery. Then, by the end of the weekend he was gone, too, and he was such a cute, fluffy, sweet little guy. That whole weekend was just one big kick in the junk from the world. Awful. Just awful. Honestly, I’m still not over any of it, and I encourage all of you to pour some liquor for our three loved ones who were taken too soon. Man, now I’m depressed. Got to try to get positive here before the end.
–> There’s less of me! Living with Saira and having her fix me so much delicious food, a lot of which is actually really healthy, was making me lose weight. And, over the last month or so, I’ve been using an iphone app to track my eating and exercise to lose even more weight. The result is, from my birthday last year (which is the last time I’d weighed myself before a month or so ago, I’ve lost about 46 pounds. Huzzah! Also, finally got a haircut and trimmed my beard a little (don’t worry. It’s still plenty long and luxurious, just a bit more kempt).
–> Saira also made the greatest curry I’ve ever had a week or so again. It was fierce delicious. And an orange cream and strawberry tart, which was also mighty. And in there somewhere she made a strawberry rhubarb pie and a strawberry & blueberry pie, both of which were fantastic. So much delicious food! So much pie! Seriously, eat less meat, eat more pie. It’s my new diet plan.
–> Watched an insane Syfy movie called Dinoshark. So epic in its badness and ridiculousness. If you like terrible movies, check it out. It will blow your mind with shittiness!
–> Banjo Kazooie! With our internetz finally sorted, I was able to get the Xbox Live running and downloaded one of my favorite games (Banjo Kazooie), which I’ve been playing ever since (when there’s time). Love me that bear bird action. On a side note, we’ve got functioning Xbox Live for at least a couple more weeks (had a month-long free trial. Probably won’t pay for it when that runs out, at least for a while), and could possibly be available at some point to play online with other peoples. Let me know if you’re interested.
–> Easter (or Zombie Jesus Day). I played a bunch of boccee ball at my parent’s house, and then I hid eggs around the apartment for Saira filled with various things she needed or markers to redeem for things that didn’t fit in eggs. It was a lot of fun, and something I plan to make a tradition.
–> The most majestic fucking thing ever! Saira and I had headed down to Burcham (sp?) Park by the river on her lunch break a few days back, and a bald eagle swooped down out of nowhere and snatched a fish out of the river, then he perched in a nearby tree and ate his lunch. It was epic as all hell. Seriously, bald eagles are the pimps of the sky.
–> Donovan McNabb going to the Redskins? I’ll take it, sure. Works for me.
–> This one has less to do with me, but Saira took part in a week long poetry reading and is now in the Guinness Book of World Records. Unfortunately it was on Easter and I had to miss it, so honestly my only involvement is jealousy and pride, but still, it’s pretty cool.

I’m sure I’m leaving a lot out (especially a lot of the delicious food Saira made me and the other awesome things she does that don’t even involve food), but that’s all I remember and it feels like enough for now.

R.I.P. Clytemnestra, Lenny and KU Basketball ‘09-‘10.

See you next week.

–> N.

PS- Just FYI, my birthday is just down the road a piece (June 1st) and Saira and I are starting to plan a little party the following Saturday. So, keep Saturday, June 5th open. Details to come in further TWiNs.