This Week in Nelson, volume 3, number 36

Holy shit, this is late! This week we’ve got a real quick 99th edition to knock out so we can get to the big 100th edition later this week. Real quick, let’s do this!

Birthday shout-out to Chris Goulter!

Books read this week:
-Still reading Fates Worse Than Death by, Kurt Vonnegut

I read some poetry again this week. No big deal. James Tate like a muthafucka.

Random out-of-context quotes of the week:
--“I’ve fiddle-farted around my entire life.”
--“This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep.”

My Emails to Bill O’Reilly this week:
-“Dear Mr. O’Reilly,
I think it’s time for some straight talk between us, and I have a story I need to tell somebody. You’re the only one I trust enough to tell this to:
I first dropped acid when I was eighteen. I was over at these people’s house one night. This guy I went to school with was there and asked me if I wanted to try some acid. I had read about it in the newspaper and heard a few friends talk about it, so I was curious. I was pretty jacked up on marijuana, so I decided to try it. And I dropped it. I don’t know what I was waiting for: a flash, or a rush, or whatever, but I kept sitting there waiting, and waiting, but nothing was happening, so I got up and went to the dresser and put on a pair of pink capris and a green and brown blouse. I thought the colors were beautiful.
So, we tripped down to Market Street, and I decided to buy a hotdog. I was very hungry, and I had put mustard and ketchup, and relish, and the usual, and I put the hotdog up to my mouth, and somebody started screaming. I didn’t know what was happening, so I looked up at my friend Terry and said, ‘Did you hear that? Didn’t you hear someone scream?’ He said, ‘No.’
I got the hotdog up to my mouth again, and was ready to bite, when the scream got louder. Then it hit me, ‘No, it couldn’t be,’ and I looked down at the hotdog and it had a face on it. Eyes, nose, a mouth. I had put the ketchup to where it looked like his hair. And he started telling me that I couldn’t eat him, he had a wife and seven kids at home to support. And I stood there with this hotdog and asked Terry, ‘Do you know this hotdog is talking to me?’ And he says, ‘Nah, let’s get out of here.’ He thought I was just faking. And I told him, ‘Look at the thing. He’s got a face, and he’s screaming.’ And the guy finally looked over, and he got on the same trip I was on, and he sat there carrying on a conversation with that hotdog.
Finally, I decided I was just hallucinating, so I put it in my mouth and bit down. It screamed so loud that you could hear it all over town, so I had to throw it on the ground and step on it. And I was jumping on this hotdog in the middle of Market Street. I realized that I had murdered it, and I took off screaming down the street, scared.
So, does this make me gay?
Sincerely,
Roboman
15 September 2009"

Interesting news articles of the week:
-Unfortunately, my news source is lost to me for a couple weeks. My apologies.

Something(s) I’m tired of/ mad at:
-Eh, I’m fine.

Something(s) I’m delighted by:
-Saira!
-Jaq and Joe’s wedding!

Something(s) I found really kind of odd:
-There were odd things. But I’m drawing a blank.

This Week in Answers to Your This Week in Questions This Week!
--Nope. Nothing.

The reason this is so late is I was having a fine old time the last week or so. Willie was back in town for a week, unfortunately because his grandmother passed away. Big TWiN condolences to the Averill clan for their loss on that score. So, it was a sad reason to be around, but it was still nice to get to see my boy Willie. Anyway, while he was here we were working on the entertainment section of Jaq and Joe’s wedding. Then on Thursday we had the bachelor/bachelorette bbq/bowling/bars night, Friday was the rehearsal, and Saturday was the wedding itself. Lots of fun had by all, lots of delicious pies to eat (they went for wedding pies instead of a wedding cake), including two delicious fruit pies from Saira and a chocolate mousse pie from yours truly. Then, on Sunday, Saira had the day off so we went to the Ren Fest in KC and had some dinner at the Plaza. All in all, a really solid slate of days, but not ones that were conducive to TWiNning.

So, really, that’s all for now. Sorry for the lateness and the brevity, but the more time I spend on this is less time I have to work up the big 100, which I’ll try to have done by this weekend at the latest.

See you next week.

–> N.