This Week in Nelson, volume 3, number 23

How great it is to be wrong. I thought it would be hot as fuck by now, but the weather is still delightful out. Rainy, but delightful. Hold strong, Earth! This week we’ve got the return of out-of-context quotes, a romantic stepping up of my O’Reilly correspondence, a private eye afraid of fish and a questioning of my numerical ethics.

Birthday shout-out to Molly, belatedly. I dropped the shout-out bomb on the blog last week, as well, but Molly’s awesomeness deserves the full TWiN shout-out treatment.

Books read this week:
-Still reading Fates Worse Than Death by, Kurt Vonnegut

I actually read a couple pages this week, but it was all too little, too late, I fear.

Random out-of-context quotes of the week:
--“I have not been this angry at scientists since they came out with Apple Raspberry Fun Dip. Strawberry Grape, like Jesus intended!” (This was an old one I’d jotted down and forgot about)
--“He makes love like an eagle falling out of the sky.”
--“Whenever I talk about Michelle Obama it always turns to butt sex.”

My Emails to Bill O’Reilly this week:
-“Dear Mr. O’Reilly,
When it's love you give
(I'll be a man of good faith.)
Then in love you live
(I'll make a stand. I won't break.)
I'll be the rock you can build on
Be there when you're old
To have and to hold

When there's love inside
(I swear I'll always be strong.)
Then there's a reason why
(I'll prove to you we belong.)
I'll be the wall that protects you
From the wind and the rain
From the hurt and pain

Let's make it all for one and all for love
Let the one you hold be the one you want
The one you need
'Cause when it's all for one it's one for all
When there's someone that should know
Then just let your feelings show
And make it all for one and all for love
When it's love you make
(I'll be the fire in your night.)
Then it's love you take
(I will defend, I will fight.)
I'll be there when you need me
When honor's at stake
This vow I will make

That it's all for one and all for love
Let the one be the one you want
The one you need
'Cause when it's all for one it's one for all
When there's someone that should know
Then just let your feelings show
And make it all for one and all for love

Don't lay our love to rest
'Cause we could stand up to you test
We got everything and more than we had planned
More than the rivers that run the land
We've got it all in our hands

Now it's all for one and all for love
(It's all for love.)
Let the one you hold be the one you want
The one you need
'Cause when it's all for one it's one for all
(It's one for all.)
When there's someone that should know
Then just let your feelings show
When there's someone that you want
When there's someone that you need
Let's make it all, all for one and all for love
Sincerely,
Roboman
8 June 2009"

Try to remain silent now, O’Reilly. I dare you.

Interesting news articles of the week:
-“The federal government mistakenly posted on the Internet a ‘highly confidential’ 266-page report on the nation’s nuclear plants, weapons labs, and nuclear-storage sites, with specific locations and details on what can be found there.” (U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!)
-“The Rev. Alberto Cutie, the hunky Miami Beach celebrity priest who caused an uproar when he was photographed on the beach smooching a woman in a bikini, announced this week with his girlfriend at his side that he was quitting the Catholic Church and joining the Episcopalians, who will let him canoodle all he likes.” (I really hope that’s how he phrased it.)
-“A New York man is suing Bumble Bee Tuna for $100,000, claiming he found a bone in his tuna. Private investigator Robert McKenna, 57, says he choked for more than a minute on the 1½-inch bone, and while there was no long-term physical damage, he says the incident ended his lifelong love affair with sandwiches made from the tasty, omega-3-rich fish. ‘I can’t even be near tuna now,’ says McKenna. ‘Like a Fish Fillet sandwich? Forget it.’” (1) sack up, 2) I don’t think they make the Fish Fillet out of tuna, and 3) sack up)

Something(s) I’m tired of/ mad at:
-Construction on 9th street! It makes getting downtown a much bigger pain in the ass than it should be. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

Something(s) I’m delighted by:
-Had the first Victor writer’s meeting. Drank some beers and talked about the funny. Got the ball rolling. Good stuff. July 17th and 18th is the Victor Show, by the by. Mark the shit out of your calendars. There’s also an earlier, friends only final dress show on Thursday. Keep it in mind if you can’t stay out late or make Friday or Saturday. If that’s the case, I can give you the details closer to time.

Something(s) I found really kind of odd:
-I’m pretty sure Kitty Willie-walked last night. What’s up with that?

This Week in Answers to Your This Week in Questions This Week!
--“Do your ‘volume’ and ‘number’ really mean anything? Or is it just pretentious blather?
Sincerely,
I’ve got your ‘number.’”
-They do mean something, actually. The volume is the year of the TWiN. I started in 2007, so 2009 is volume 3. And the number roughly corresponds to the week in question. That’s why the very first one was something like 35, as opposed to 1, and why sometimes, when I miss a week (which has happened), the following one will have two numbers. There’s also a secret count I keep of how many of these I’ve done, which is where the whole anniversary thing fits in occasionally. For instance, this is the 87th TWiN. Pretentious? Perhaps. But blather? Not at all. Well, no more than the rest of TWiN, anyway.

Sure, a third of this TWiN was song lyrics, but I’m approaching three pages, so I’m calling it quits. Besides, it’s coming to you on Wednesday, so go me.

See you next week.

–> N.