Wednesday, July 1, 2009

This Week in Nelson, volume 3, number 26

Back again. Less stoned this time, but also shorter. This week we’ve got the Victor Show kicking into second gear, proof of divine readership, and a bunch of question answered which include a gauntlet being thrown down and another Japanese lesson.

Birthday shout-out to Lauren! Happy birthday!

Books read this week:
-Still reading Fates Worse Than Death by, Kurt Vonnegut

Couldn’t read this week. Legitimately. Too busy working on Victor. July 17th and 18th! Tickets now on sale at Liberty Hall! Be there!

Random out-of-context quotes of the week:
--“No! You’re confusing your tennis movies!”
--“I can’t believe it sprayed all over me.”

My Emails to Bill O’Reilly this week:
-“Dear Mr. O’Reilly,
So, have you seen Transformers 2, yet? Could that happen? Is it happening now and the liberal media is working to cover it up? Is government sponsored health care all a smoke screen to fund a secret initiative to do battle with evil space robots? Is my life in danger now for uncovering this nefarious plot? If so, can I stay with you for a few weeks so you can keep me safe? I can totally do odd jobs around the house to earn my keep. We could put up a tent in the living room and sleep in there and pretend we’re camping. And we could tell each other ghost stories and when I get scared you can hold me in your arms and tell me everything’s going to be alright. And I’ll believe you, because you’re the only one I can trust. I just want my country back. I want my country back from these evil space robots and their militant liberal tax-and-spend agenda.
Help me, Bill O’Reilly. You’re my only hope.
1 July 2009"

Interesting news articles of the week:
-No news this week. My apologies. I forgot to grab my news source when I headed downtown.

Something(s) I’m tired of/ mad at:
-The Soup not being on last week, but still being listed on the guide as The Soup, but when it started, E being all, like, Surprise! No Soup! Here’s The Web Soup instead! Nice try, E. I’m still not watching The Web Soup. But go ahead, try that shit again and see what happens. I dare you.

Something(s) I’m delighted by:
-9th Street is open again! The city reads This Week in Nelson!
-The weather got so much better! God reads This Week in Nelson too!
-We’ve got solid gold coming in from the writers for Victor! This shit is gonna be crazy! Seriously, go buy those tickets.

Something(s) I found really kind of odd:
-Nothing that isn’t part of a Victor sketch.

This Week in Answers to Your This Week in Questions This Week!
--“Why does the Spangles BBQ Steak Melt sandwich appear to be nothing more than a philly cheesesteak on a hamburger bun with bbq sauce? And, most importantly, how can it be called a ‘melt’ when there seems to be absolutely no cheese on it at all? I don’t get it. What’s melting?”
-Your face, Raiders of the Lost Ark-style, when you eat it.
--“Has anyone started a pool for how long it’ll take O’Reilly to answer you? Because I’ll totally put a buck down on 15.”
-Not as of yet, but does anyone else want some of that action? For those keeping score at home, this week’s email makes 8 without response.
--“For the purposes of the pool mentioned above, does a form letter or cease-and-desist letter count as an answer?”
-I figure any response would count.
--“Are you as excited as I am by the idea of Firefly: The Musical?”
-I don’t know how excited you are, but I would be down for that, yes.
--“Please, what are the Japanese equivalents for the other seasons?”
-Summer = Super Fire Hot Time Explosion Party
-Fall = Leaf Color Disco Dog Dance Fun
-Winter = Robot Snow Punch Battle Without Remorse
-Spring = Gojira Mating Season

I pulled out some Nirvana this week and I’ve been listening to it in the car. It felt like time. I forgot how hard ass a song Scentless Apprentice is. Scentless Apprentice is like a dude who wears a pink shirt to a redneck bar and waits for someone to call him queer so he can kill that guy with a knife. That’s an industry term.

Okay, got to get back to work on Victor, so that’s all for now.

See you next week.

–> N.

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