Thursday, May 28, 2009

This Week in Nelson, volume 3, number 21

Hey, it’s my birthday, so I’m being insane lazy this week. This week we’ve got my birthday. What else do you need?

Birthday shout-out to me! 30 years old up in this come Monday. Go me!

And on that note . . . Nelson’s 30th Birthday Party! This Saturday! May 30th! Gaus and Emily’s House at 5:00 for hot, BBQ action (please RSVP for that phase)! Harbour Lights at 8:30 for drinking! Eventually the Pig for more drinking, probably around midnight! BE THERE!
I’m also thinking about doing a little something on Monday (June 1st), my actual birthday, maybe a little dinner and then drinks at the Pig. No big deal. I’ll let you know about that on Saturday. So be there!

Books read this week:
-Still reading Fates Worse Than Death by, Kurt Vonnegut

Another week with zero reading. I’m going for a record.

Random out-of-context quotes of the week:
--You know what, either nothing was funny this week, or I was too lazy, or too drunk to jot it down, cause I’ve got nothing. My favorite thing quote-wise, though, was Chris Shaw doing the Humpty Dance at karaoke, and during the point where he’s calling on people to do the Humpty Hump (“Matt Gaus, do the Humpty Hump,” etc.) he screamed at Andy Morton with such passion to do the Humpty Hump that I almost shit my pants. If I could reproduce it here, I would.

My Emails to Bill O’Reilly this week:
-“Dear Mr. O’Reilly,
Hey! It’s my birthday! I haven’t gotten a card from you yet, so I thought I’d mention it. You should do a special birthday show about me, because I’m an American hero!
Here’s a short list of my exploits:
1) I can eat hot dogs like the wind!
2) I know how to read.
3) One time I fought Darth Vader and he totally cut my hand off, but I still wouldn’t turn to the dark side, cause that’s not cool.
4) I really like eating hot dogs.
5) I don’t objectify women unless they’re REALLY hot. Then it’s game on, my friend.
6) I know how to swim.
7) I don’t swim until at least 30 minutes after I’ve eaten hot dogs.
8) I know how to read.
9) I don’t repeat myself.
10) Hot dogs are delicious.
11) I’m $AWESOME!$!!!$! Three dollar signs!
So, please feel free to contact me about being featured on your show.
I eagerly await your correspondence.
28 May 2009"

Interesting news articles of the week:
-Yeah, nothing here either. Lazy, lazy, lazy.

Something(s) I’m tired of/ mad at:
-Allergies! The weather has turned and it’s making my sinuses mad. Also, the warmer weather is causing increased shedding which has led to increased hairball production amongst my cats. Boo-urns, nature! Boo-urns indeed!

Something(s) I’m delighted by:
-Birthday presents! I got some free comics from Sam and a sweet book from Hilary.
-Me kicking ass and taking ass in my fantasy baseball league. I just robbed Seth Bailey of his manhood last week. Go baseball!

Something(s) I found really kind of odd:
-Nothing, really. Except maybe for Roady’s hat. I’d explain, but like the Humpty Dance, I think you had to be there.

This Week in Answers to Your This Week in Questions This Week!
--You ask nothing, I answer nothing. That’s how the game works.

Been playing some Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2 lately. Doin’ some hardcore Jedi shit. Lightsaber like a motherfucker. I likes that game.

And that’s it. Like I said, this week’s themes= my birthday and me being lazy. Next week we will resume my regular level of slight laziness.

See you next week.

–> N.

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